Yeah, I'm in the 40's!!! (I'm sure everyone is getting sick of me counting down every 10 days, but deal with it...I'm tired of being pregnant) LOL ;) If I knew that Justin could be born now with no complications now or in the future I would be willing (and so much more than willing) to go to the hospital TODAY! On the other hand bringing a brand new baby "home" to a motel would be less than desirable circumstances. ;) Of course I would rather be pregnant than in my cousin's in-laws' place. (We will remember them in our prayers...they just had a baby 14 weeks early). The pregnant part of me is a little jealous that she has her baby and that she doesn't have to be pregnant and then the logical part of me tells the pregnant part of me how stupid that is...I would NEVER want to be in that situation. And if you told me right now that I could trade not having to be pregnant for having my baby and probably not getting to hold him, and sit there and watch my child in trouble and there being nothing (aside from praying) that I could do for him...I would choose being pregnant. So I really shouldn't complain about being pregnant...it's another one of those "blessings" that just don't seem like blessings on many days, but really if I got to choose that's what I would choose.
It kind of reminds me of that story where a guy was complaining about the cross that he had to carry and telling the Lord "it's just too much for me to handle" and how he knew he had it worse than a lot of people around him. So the Lord said "Alright" and he took him back to a room full of crosses of all sizes. The man was astonished at the size of many of these crosses, they were so BIG. And the Lord told him that he could pick out the cross that he had to bear. So he looked for a while...big crosses....worn crosses...new crosses...then over in the corner he found this really small cross. So he told the Lord "I want this one." And the Lord said "But that's the one you just put down." Moral of the story: Many people have hidden crosses that you don't know they are carrying in the first place....other moral of the story? I need to stop complaining, all of the "burdens" that I have to bear are really blessings if you stop and look at it....and you really don't have to look that hard. Even when it comes to my biggest "burden" right now (that house and the loan that makes it look like we are so close....yet we are so far away), how many people out there pray every night that they and their children will make it through another cold night because they have no where for shelter? I WANT to be in the house NOW...but I don't need to. (We even found out that Jon's company is paying for another month in a motel because the loan is taking longer than we thought it would take, so we still aren't even paying for this motel that I'm complaining about). How many people wonder where their next meal is coming from (yeah, I WANT a stove to cook on and an oven to cook in, but at least I know whether we are eating out...again...or having Mac & Cheese or whatnot....I know that my children are not going to go hungry...unless they refuse to eat, in which case I still don't feel bad because it's not because I don't have food to give them). How many women have a prayer in their heart 24 hours a day, 7 days a week that they can conceive a child and still cannot have children of their own? How many women carry their baby only to have a still born or have the child die within hours of birth? How many women wish with all their heart that they could keep this child that they've carried for 9 months but knowing that they cannot provide for this child so they choose to give their baby to someone that can? How many people NEED a bigger house to make their home, but due to finances or whatever else may be holding them back, can't get one?
Do you ever wonder how often the Lord rolls his eyes when you complain? I think to me that would get annoying (I was just thinking that). If I kept giving and giving and giving to someone and they were all "Thanks....but I want more." "What about this or that, that would be nice to have." and then having them tell you that they NEED this or that when you know darn well that it's a WANT....just a want that they have wanted so long they think it's a need. I would be ready to say "You know what? I will show you what it's like not to have things you NEED....you don't even know the 1/2 of it. I will show you for just a while what it's like not to have a roof over your head, and not to know where your next meal will come from, and to have to sit and watch your child suffer knowing that you would give your life for this child...but you can't...knowing there is nothing in this world that you can do except watch and pray. Then we will see if you can be grateful for everything that I do for you." I suppose I should be grateful just for that reason, that the Lord hasn't said "Just let me show you...."
I suppose I am also blessed that there were people (even people that were just friends of people that I know) warn me about Rock Springs hospital. Because I know that if I hadn't been warned I would have chosen a Dr. there because...well, let's be serious....it's A LOT closer to us than Evanston is. And then the birth of this beautiful baby (yeah, I know he's beautiful...he's mine...I haven't had an ugly one yet...hehehe) that I'm having would have seemed more like a burden than like the miracle that it really is. I take for granted the fact that it is a miracle any way because it's just so common now. I wonder what it would be like to know that I will have to risk my life just to have children. (That's why I was born when I was instead of back then, I wouldn't have made a very good pioneer I don't think).
Well, this blog is reminding me of that song (my Dad said they wrote just for women...he was just kidding FYI)...the song that says "Firm as the mountains around us. Stalwart and brave we stand. On the rock our Fathers planted for us in this goodly land...and the chorus says: "Babylon...Babylon....Babylon" (yeah, get it "Babble-on, Babble-on, Babble-on") I just totally went off on a tangent there, but I suppose that's alright. ;)
And just for those that are wondering, (I don't remember if I wrote about Ethan, I think I did) so I will just say we have an appointment for him at Primary Children's Medical in May to get that lump on his leg checked out. So we will not worry about it until then unless we have the feeling like we need to worry about it NOW. And as far as the house goes everything is in order. They would be able to close on the house at the begining of April...IF the loan is ready by then (which by the sounds of it, it is not going to be). But basically everything is ready and we are just waiting on the loan, as soon as all the paper work is done we can have a house! WOO-HOO! And the boys can have a big fenced in back yard to play in, and I can get started on my garden, and then I will have a stove and a refrigerator (big enough that I don't have to go shopping every other day) and a dishwasher (actually, I suppose we will have 2...because we have a portable one and then there is a built in dishwasher that comes with the house)...and then I can paint the walls whatever color I want! I could paint one wall in our bedroom red and the other orange and the other hot pink if I wanted...ewww...I don't want to, but I COULD...hehehe. And since we have a spare room until the next child is born, we are going to have an "activity center". I am going to have 1/2 the room set up where the boys can do all sorts of activities that I found in this cool book (really inexpensive...but the boys have so much fun with them...I don't remember who wrote that book, but they are very smart....and obviously have children) and the other 1/2 is going to be for my scrapbooking and sewing. That way I can do MY fun stuff and not have to leave every 2 minutes to make sure that the boys aren't into something they shouldn't be into or something. And...I get my own bathroom...well, I have to share with Jon I suppose ;) but I think I can handle that. I have never been in a house with 2 bathrooms (by "been in a house" I mean "lived in a house"...just thought I should clear that up). Jon says he doesn't know how we survived with only 1 bathroom...but we did...and no one died....not that there weren't those days where someone almost did. LOL. I'm so excited for our own house.
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